There are certain characteristics that tend to dominate when a person has a codependent personality. They can include:

• Feeling responsible for the way other people feel, their thoughts, their choices and their general well-being.
• Finding it easy to feel and express anger when something bad happens to others, but not when something bad happens to you.
• Feeling your best when you are giving to other people.
• Feeling guilty when someone gives to you.
• Feeling compelled to help people fix their problems.
• Getting involved with another person to the point where you lose interest in your own life.
• Being unable to stop thinking, talking or worrying about other people and what is happening in their lives.
• Remaining in relationships that are not working.
• Tolerating abusive treatment just so the person will continue to love you.
• Leaving a bad relationship to form new ones that are just as destructive.
• Feeling empty inside without a crisis to deal with or a problem to solve.
• Having a hard time identifying what you are feeling inside.
• Getting upset when a person refuses your help.

Even if you are trying not to be codependent, every relationship has some level of codependency in it. This is reasonable to a point because it is normal for one person to ask the other for advice about major decisions. But there is a fine line that can be easily crossed if you are not careful.

It is really important to ask yourself this question: Is my relationship healthy? If you are seeking out, maintaining or even feeding off a relationship that is not healthy, you could be codependent. But a lot of experts believe that the term codependent is one that encourages too much independence in humans who were designed to be interdependent.

True codependency comes from a place of anxiety. You or your partner want reassurance and you do not want to take any risks. As a result, you check in with your significant other because doing so helps you feel safer.

Codependency becomes a serious problem when one person starts to feel like they are being suffocated. Or, it can turn bad when one person is constantly sacrificing their own needs to make the other person happy.

Even before you get any type of treatment, if you believe you are in a codependent relationship, there are some changes you can start to make right now. It is possible to heal from codependency, but it takes a lot of work.

Some of the healthy steps you can take include:

• Being honest with yourself and your partner about your needs and desires. Stop doing things you do not want to do because it will only breed resentment later on.
• Change negative thought patterns into positive ones. Codependents often find it hard to think positively, and it will take some practice to let go of those negative thoughts.
• Stop taking things personally. This can be very difficult to do; especially if you are in an intimate relationship. Work on accepting the other person as they are without feeling the need to fix or change them.
• Take breaks from your partner. You should have a life outside of your codependent relationship. Take some time and go out with your friends or spend some time with close family members. This does not take away from your relationship, and if it is done correctly, it can add so much depth to it.
• Consider going to counseling. It can be so helpful to talk with an unbiased third party about what you are going through. They can help you identify codependent issues in your relationship and work to repair them in healthy ways.

Codependency may be caused by several different factors, such as:

• Growing up in a home in which your emotions were punished or even ignored altogether. This can result in you having feelings of low self-esteem or shame. You may believe that your needs are not worth tending to as a result.
• Being in a relationship with someone who has an addiction. This can mean that they are addicted to alcohol, drugs, shopping, gambling or another addictive behavior. The codependent becomes the caretaker out of a desire to help, but their own needs take a back seat.
• Living in a household where abuse is common. This can refer to emotional or physical abuse. The codependent may find themselves feeling responsible for the abusive person. If they have an untreated mental health problem, the codependent may attempt to help them feel better by caring for them more.
• Codependent parents may attempt to protect their children from experiencing problems or hardships in their lives. They may attempt to control them in a way that will result in the child meeting the parent’s expectations for success.
• Taking care of someone with a disability, chronic or terminal illness. Many caregivers find that their lives end up revolving around the person they are caring for. Their own needs and wants come in second or not at all.

Some experts view codependency as a mental illness. But the more correct definition is that it is an emotional and behavioral condition that can impact a person’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. Sometimes it is referred to as a relationship addiction. This is because codependents tend to have one-sided, destructive relationships with other people.

If you believe you are codependent, it can be helpful to sit down with a therapist and discuss your relationships. Therapy can make such a big difference. The same is true for 12-Step groups, which can provide much-needed peer support. Sometimes medications may also be recommended.